Question by LovelyLady87: How can I gain self confindence and develop a higher self-esteem?
I’m 23 and I have problems with my self confidence and how I see myself. I went thought a lot in my life, so sometimes my past still haunts me. I went though a crappy relationship for two years and I’m still hurt how boyfriend emotionally abused me. I try to think positive about myself self, but it’s easier said then done.
How can I learn to gain self esteem and to think more confident?
Best answer:
Answer by NEIL B There’s so much out there that you could do but it dpends how you learn best. Coaching can be great as long as you find a good one.
As a starting point I’d read “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. Its a great book and one I’ve recommended to lots of friends.
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Question by Ash: How can you boost your self confidence and higher your self esteem?
I’m a shy quite person around many people other then friends and I am just so ready to come out of my shell! How can I boost my self confidence and higher my self esteem so I can get over this shyness? Any ideas?
Best answer:
Answer by Horsefreak<3 Just try to step out of your comfrt zone when approaching people. Try to act like you do around your friends, and they’ll see how cool you are.
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If you do not love yourself, how can you expect others to love you? This is the problem for many people with low self-esteem. They want to be loved, but because they don’t feel worthy of being loved, they expect people to not love them. You will always find whatever you look for, so people who expect to not be loved will find that others don’t love them. In some cases it might be that they actually are loved but cannot see it. In other cases their low self-esteem and self-disgust is shining through so that they in fact become less lovable. Having low self-esteem thus makes you interpret others as not liking you as well as actually making others like you less. To receive love and to feel that love you need to feel that you have something worth loving.
People with low self-esteem often don’t dare to be themselves. They don’t like who they are and therefore they hide themselves behind a mask of being somebody else. The trouble is that if you don’t show others who you really are, others cannot love you for who you are. Many people with low self-esteem are worried that their partners will one day find out who they really are and then leave them. People with high self-esteem on the other hand dare to be themselves (because they feel good about who they are and they are not embarrassed). Whenever they receive love from others they know that they are loved for who they truly are.
When people with low self-esteem get boyfriends or girlfriends they often “hang on too hard” to them. They are so afraid of being dumped that they watch over their partners like a hawk watches its prey. This is not a good strategy for a healthy relationship. Relationships require trust and freedom. With higher self-esteem you will feel that you are worthy of being loved and you will therefore not be equally afraid of being dumped by your partner. Instead of watching over your partner every second like a police, you can spend that energy on getting to understand each other better and on developing the qualities and skills that are needed for a lasting relationship.
The solution for building a loving and lasting relationship is thus to raise your self-esteem. With high self-esteem you will be able to love yourself and expect others to love you too. As a consequence you will receive more love from all the people around you including potential partners. With high self-esteem you will also dare to be you. You will be open and show your real personality instead of trying to be somebody whom you’re not. You will be loved for who you are, not for who others think that you are. When you raise your self-esteem you will also not feel the need to hang on to your partner too hard but give him or her freedom and trust. You will not interpert small relationship problems as signs that there is something seriously wrong with you or with the relationship. With high self-esteem your relationships will get better and last longer.
People with low self-esteem more easily and more often become depressed compared to people with high self-esteem, whether it is just a matter of feeling a bit down or actually getting a diagnosis of clinical depression (major depression or bipolar depression). The reason to this is quite obvious: people with low self-esteem don’t feel that they are valuable people and they feel that their lives are meaningless (compared to people with high self-esteem). They don’t feel appreciated by others, they react more strongly to criticism and they find it more difficult to accept compliments and praise. In general, people with low self-esteem feel more negative towards themselves and their lives than people with high self-esteem do.
When you are deep down in a major depression period it is not easy to raise your self-esteem. Merely getting out of bed in the morning can be a huge challenge. There are therapy programs that focus on building self-esteem as well as getting you out of the depression as quickly as possible. If such therapy is available to you that’s great, but for most people this is not an option. In such cases you may simply have to focus on getting out of the worst part of the depression first and then start to work on your self-esteem. If you have had several periods of depression you know what it is like and you know that you don’t want to get there again. Start to raise your self-esteem when you are in a healthy period to prevent yourself from falling down into depression again.
If you are simply feeling down rather than having clinical depression you can start to raise your self-esteem immediately. This will both help you to become happier in the short term and it will prevent you from feeling down as often in the future. The methods of how to raise your self-esteem depend on how depressed you feel. If you just feel a little bit sad a self-esteem self-help book (such as The Self-Esteem Toolbox) might help. If you feel worse than that you might benefit from a self-esteem course or from self-esteem group-coaching. If you really want to beat your depression NOW personal self-esteem coaching is your option.
When you work with your book, course, or coach you will learn to make life style changes that will prevent you from sinking down into depression again. If you just lift your self-esteem momentarily without changing your everyday life to support this higher self-esteem, you will lose your newly found self-esteem as quickly and become pray of depression again. You need to make small but significant changes in your life style that will help you to keep your self-esteem up forever. Your self-esteem book, course or coach can help you to figure out what changes you need to make in your life.
Overcoming Low -Self Esteem — Treat Yourself More Kindly For Higher Self Esteem
Overcoming Low Self Esteem – How’s it going with stopping your aggressive self talk? This could take you some time to do, but you may progress well if you simply stay with it.
Today, I’ve got some concepts on how it’s possible for you to learn how to treat yourself more kindly. Yesterday, I asked you how you would treat somebody you cared about. You would possibly not abuse them, definitely, but you may even do something nice for them.
Perhaps you tell them you care about them, or would buy them something they need from time to time.
In general, it’s likely that you would encourage them both verbally and thru your actions, and you would do what you might and to make certain they knew they were loved and cared for. It’s time you probably did this for yourself, too.
Here are 3 straightforward things you can do to start :
1) make efforts to spend time doing things you enjoy. If you have low pride, frequently you do not do things you need to just because you are either too busy attempting to please others and have no time, or as you haven’t paid attention to what you need to do, to what will make you relax and have fun.
From this point on, start making time to do stuff you adore, like chasing creative endeavors, socializing with buddies and family, reading books you’ve always wished to, watching a fave flick, spend time on journaling hopes and dreams, or taking part in hobbies you enjoy. What you do does not truly matter, except that you have to have a good time and you have to do it. This could be tough to do at first, as you might feel guilty about taking time for yourself.
Maybe you even feel a bit greedy or greedy as you wish to do nice things for yourself. Ignore all of that! Do those things any way. As time passes and you keep doing these things, you will start to be more comfortable in passing time just on you.
2) Treat yourself well physically, too. Exercise, eat right, and get sufficient rest. If you have poor self-image, it’s likely that you have neglected your own self-care, so you finish up exhausted and even sick. Don’t do that.
You merit the same care and attention you would give another person, even if you are not certain you merit it just yet.
3) Give yourself a treat. Naturally, you must look after yourself mentally and physically, and you must have fun on a constant basis. The next thing you must do is to treat yourself.
Do this frequently ; these “treats” don’t need to be pricey. They just need to be something that you can really enjoy which will make you feel special. Buy yourself a new book or outfit, have lunch out with a good buddy, or take in a flick you have needed to see. Doing this will raise your mood and make you feel just like you are basking in praise. These things may appear tiny, but little things matter too, often more than enormous ones.
As time goes on and you continue to nurture yourself in these methods, you can start to seriously improve how you feel about yourself. And really, that is the entire point. Tomorrow, let’s go into ideology a little bit more. This time, though, we’ll look at how it’s possible for you to start to believe in yourself again.
