Self-esteem is a psychological term which means reflection of a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. It is not only how one sees oneself but also how one thinks others see him/her. Self-esteem encompasses well-being, inner happiness, attitude, thinking, actions, expectations, relationships, accomplishments, social skills, courage & confidence.
Self-esteem is a product of experience. Very early in one’s life, one forms an opinion about oneself, which stays with him/her for the rest of his/her life. Unless one brings a change in his/her way of thinking or attitude, it remains in one’s consciousness and influences one’s course of life. If a person’s self-confidence is constantly eroded through mindless criticism, ill treatment, discrimination based on no reasonable ground, sooner or later the person would suffer from low self-esteem.
The evident characteristics of a person suffering from low self-esteem are:
? Develop low expectations from oneself
? Quick to blame oneself
? Avoid taking risks
? Fear of failure and fear or rejection
? Give more weight to opinion of others
? Hesitation to express oneself honestly in the company of others
? Problem of saying ‘no’ to others
? Minimize success and focus on one’s failures
In the 1980’s the attempt to raise low self-esteem in schools went futile because it was based on the idea that low self-esteem can be successfully treated by instilling positive thoughts. But research shows that positive affirmations actually worsen the mood of people who already have low self-esteem. It seems that forced positive thinking acts as a blunt instrument to brainwash people to feel better about themselves. Telling someone they are great or wonderful when they constantly underestimate themselves will not work.
Thus, people with low self-esteem can be upset by disconfirming feedback. Healthy self-esteem needs to emerge subtly, not as a sudden result of hearing you are ‘really special’ or ‘fantastic’. Paradoxically, being too nice to someone with very low self-esteem can drive them away. People need to develop better self-esteem gradually, through “proof” in the real world. Just being repeatedly told (by someone who doesn’t know you that well) that “you’re wonderful” has never been found to work in lifting low self-esteem. When someone with low self-esteem starts to become less sure of their own opinion of themselves and therefore begins to assess counter evidence regarding their worthlessness, their self-image begins to become more healthy. Good self-esteem is a by-product of living in a healthy way. So rather than trying to raise it directly it’s easier to focus elsewhere (such on what a person does) and let self-esteem rise as happy side effect of a change in living.
After all life is all about living it to the fullest.